South Australian Premier, Steven Marshall, has embarrassingly revealed that the South Australian border has been open for months but no one has noticed or bothered to visit. South Australia, the Wi-Fi deadspot of Australian states, hasn’t received a single visitor since the COVID-19 pandemic began… or more accurately, since 2007 when a British tourist thought he was in Tasmania due to a mix up with Tiger Airline flights.

The South Australian Premier tried telling news outlets months ago that his state would remain open but this “news” was flagged as False or Misleading by Facebook fact checkers who assumed it was fake.

There had been reports that teenagers, spotted by bored South Australian police, had dared each other to cross the border from Victoria thinking they were flouting state laws. When the South Australian police informed them it was completely legal they quickly lost interest and drove home.

Marshall also revealed his state had survived the COVID-19 pandemic debt relatively unscathed. This was because the South Australian government had been propping up the dying hotel and tourism industry for decades. “There has been no noticeable changes to our budget deficit as we give (AUD) $4 Billion annually to the hotel and tourism industry so it’s bad business as usual for us, ” revealed Marshall from the 3 man tent used as Adelaide’s parliament building and sleeping quarters.

The press conference needed to be prematurely cut short at 4:59pm as South Australia is notoriously known for shutting down the state at 5pm to conserve electricity and avoid blackouts.