President Donald Trump and his North Korean counterpart have made history in Singapore today, after the pair shook hands at the start of their summit, achieving the primary goal of the meeting – to get their photo taken in front of lots of flags, and to make no actual binding agreements whatsoever.
Preliminary talks between the two nuclear powers earlier in the month revealed that while there were many issues that divided the two camps, there was one uniting issue on which both sides agreed.
“We both want a Nobel Prize, but we also both really detested the idea of doing anything remotely peaceful,” Kim Jong-Un reportedly explained to his top aides. “Fortunately Trump also had zero interest in doing any actual peacemaking and just wanted photos as well. Frankly, I’ve never met any leader who was so easy to deal with.”
While Trump is desperate to win a Nobel Peace Prize because Barack Obama won one, Kim’s interest is simpler. “The Nobel Committee gives winners more than a million dollars. That could feed thousands of starving North Koreans!” he explained. “In theory of course. I’m going to spend it on Lamborghinis.”
For their next meeting, Trump has invited Kim to the White House, and was gratified by how quickly the reclusive North Korean leader accepted. “Of course I’ll come to Washington,” Kim said. “I’ll gladly travel anywhere outside North Korea. That place is a dump.”
Trump has described the meeting as a stunning success, stating he can’t wait to meet Kim again for future photo-ops. “I’ve always said that the person America needed handing its foreign policy was the guy who wrote The Art Of The Deal,” he said. “Unfortunately Tony Schwartz hates me now, but I reckon I did a pretty good job without him.”