The Woolworths corporation has today announced they will no longer be pursuing people who mis-scan items at the self-serve checkouts, stating it would be hypocritical given they had just been caught stealing from workers.
“Look, at first we thought all theft was wrong and should be harshly punished, but now that the shoe’s on the other foot we can see that it’s just an honest mistake, and not something people should go to jail over,” said one Woolworths board member. “I mean, come on guys, we said sorry. That’s all you have to do when you break the law isn’t it?”
However, many Woolworths employees were unamused, pointing out that they would have lost their jobs and likely taken to court had they been caught stealing from Woolworths instead of the other way round. “It’s all good for these employers to say ‘whoops, sorry turned out I was stealing your pay’ and then make off with the interest they’ve earned on that ‘accident’,” said one disgruntled shelf packer. “Funny how they never seem to accidentally overpay us though, isn’t it?”
Meanwhile Woolworths CEO John Fresh said he was “extremely embarrassed” by the error, and that he will be awarding himself a $3 million pay rise to ensure it never happens again.
The Chaser Quarterly