In response to a minor slap on the wrist from Victoria’s Anti-corruption commission, Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has agreed to learn from his NSW counterparts and has appointed himself to a cushy trade commissioner role based in New York.
Testimony from Victoria’s IBAC today stated that while the Premier wasn’t directly involved, they had uncovered “extensive misconduct” by Victorian Labor MPs. “I will take full responsibility as leader of the party,” said an emotional Andrews in response, “and as such I will be immediately standing down as Premier, and taking an extremely high paying job in New York.”
CEO of Investment NSW, Amy Brown said the decision wasn’t easy. “We were considering two extremely qualified candidates but in the end we of course had to go with the guy who was never in the running.” she stated, looking at Andrews who gave a thumbs up from the side stage. “We interviewed a lot of recently resigned politicians for this definitely not made up job and we were quite impressed with Dan’s commitment to all things NSW.”
Andrews is reported to have converted to NRL, begun pork barrelling his electorate, and commenced a costly lawsuit against FriendlyJordies in order to qualify for the job.