The Prime Minister has today pledged that he will become a new man if elected, presumably in about three weeks after he is rolled and replaced by Peter Dutton.
“I know things have to change with the way I do things,” explained the man who put his opponent on blast two weeks ago for changing. “Rest assured if elected I will be completely different, except for my views on a federal ICAC, coal, and politicising kids sports. Otherwise I will be completely different.”
Asked why it was bad for Albanese to change two weeks ago, but good for Morrison to do so now, The Prime Minister said that he was a different person when he made those comments. “Obviously I’ve undergone a lot of personal growth in that time,” explained Morrison. “Unlike Albanese who hasn’t changed in those two weeks. Can you really trust a guy like that?”