The Morrison Government has released new information about the controversial new merged Department of Infrastructure, Transport, Regional Development, Communications, Health, Housing, Education, Arts and Foreign Affairs, revealing the appointment of The Block host and careers expert Scott Cam as the leader of this new department.
“Scotty is everything we could ever want for someone in this position,” said Morrison during a press conference today, “he’s just your classic rich tradie, public servant, and TV host. I assume this means you could say he has experience in all things arts, roads and rails. Not only will he be able to make the kind of well informed decisions the Australian voter has learned to expect from our government, but he will also be able to relate to the issues those working beneath him are struggling with – being on a measly government wage.”
Asked why he had chosen Scott Cam over somebody actually qualified for the role, Morrison fired back arguing, “Have you guys seen The Block? Scotty does bloody hard work on that show, he is a true hero! He makes other people handle all the boring day-to-day work, popping in occasionally to check how things are going, then takes credit for anything that is done well and blames other people when something goes poorly. That is the kind of leadership we admire here in the Liberal party.”
When asked about how much ‘ScoCa’ will be paid, the Prime Minister explained it would be a reasonable compensation, but the exact number could not be disclosed as part of an agreement with Jackie Lambie. “Look we made no secret that he is worth the big bucks, so obviously his six figure contract is not enough for the struggling tradie and he will be receiving proper compensation for his increased workload. As for the rest of the people working in arts however, they need to leave the Canberra bubble and stop complaining about cuts, it’s just ridiculous.”
Scott Cam has responded to the news by stating “Even with the new job, I am still a loveable, relatable, everyday tradie. Ask any of the people I hire to do the jobs I don’t feel like doing around the mansion, they will tell you the same thing.”
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go knock up a fence around my new backyard polo course.”