Prime Minister and mug enthusiast Scott Morrison has allayed the nation’s COVID fears today, by announcing that he has already vaccinated the entire country, next year.
The PM’s critics have attempted to play down Australia’s latest vaccine success story by pointing out that Australia is the least vaccinated country in the developed world, and the constructs of time make the Prime Minister’s announcement physically impossible.
Mr Morrison has hit back though claiming that “time is simply an illusion” and is only “a man-made construct that allows our minds to make better sense of our inherently flawed human memories, the present moment and the daunting unknowns of the future.”
“Who is to say that this vaccine rollout truly exists outside of the confines of our own minds?” the PM pondered.
However, Opposition leader Anthony Albanese has raised concerns that the Prime Minister may have simply been listening to his Qanon mate too much lately, and that there’s been a concerning amount of smoke pouring out from under the PM’s door.
However, Mr Morrison was quick to point out that there is no need to worry and that when he announced the budget surplus prior to the last election “everything worked out fine.”
If you enjoyed this article, consider becoming a contributor to the Chaser Beer Fund. For just $7 a month you can help us employ 20 more interns.