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‘Stop judging me by my actions,’ pleads Ben Roberts-Smith

‘War hero’ and potential Victoria Cross medal-loser, Ben Roberts-Smith has today pleaded to the court that he not be judged on his actions.

Earlier, Mr Roberts-Smith’s barrister mounted the novel legal argument that committing war crimes doesn’t necessarily make you a ‘war criminal’ and, further, that war crimes aren’t necessarily ‘bad’ anyway.

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The defamation lawsuit, brought by Mr Roberts-Smith, has seen shocking allegations made by Mr Roberts-Smith against himself including covering up dog murder, owning a novelty glass based drinking out of the prosthetic limb of a murdered prisoner of war and burning laptops during a police investigation, as well as other allegations like kicking an innocent farmer being held prisoner off a fucking cliff.

In response these allegations Ben Roberts-Smith and the his legal team funded by Channel Seven owner Kerry Stokes have pleaded that he not be by his actions. “It’s outrageous. This trial is kicking his reputation off a cliff. Whoever brought it to trial should be brought to justice!”

“Murdering civilians shouldn’t disqualify someone from an executive role at Channel Seven,” claimed the guy Dutton says shouldn’t be stripped of his medals, “I didn’t mustard gas people or go to a war crime party with my mate who dressed up in Klan robes. Shit wait no, that last one did happen. But still I haven’t gone to a party like that in a while and I think that shows how much I have grown as a person.”

“Don’t judge me for my actions, judge me for all those times I haven’t committed war crimes. Check out these pictures of my abs.”

“Are you telling me you have never made a mistake in your life? You may have sent a text to the wrong person, I might have handcuffed an innocent farmer and kicked him off a cliff. So please your honour, who are you too judge? As a wise poet once said, ‘Nobody’s perfect’. And that applies even to me. I think we can all learn a thing or too from that.”




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