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News
Pell horrified to learn NDAs unenforceable in afterlife
Unfortunately, God is much, much better at interrogation than the Victorian Police.
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NSW officially changes its state flag to a white flag
“I was going to make it red but I have trouble recognising red flags”
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Queen farewells Prince Philip by returning to Reptilian form and devouring him whole
There were moving scenes at St George’s Chapel today as the royal family gathered to say goodbye to the Queen’s longest serving and perhaps favourite subordinate, Prince Philip. In line with royal tradition, after the formalities and platitudes had been completed, guests witnessed the completion of a centuries-old ritual that saw HRM shed her human…
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Reporter exposes airport security loophole by blowing up 747
The ‘News of the World’ reporter’s attempts to breach Britain’s airport security proved a complete success.
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Man carefully arranges bedside novels before big date
A 25-year-old Melbourne student spent more than three hours last night painstakingly choosing which novels to leave beside his bed, by way of impressing his date. “It was a first date, and I had no idea what she was into,” the young man said. “I mean, do you play it safe and stick to the…
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LinkedIn executive presents moving PowerPoint eulogy at mother’s funeral
A PR manager from leading corporate networking site LinkedIn yesterday delivered a moving presentation at his mother’s funeral, utilising the many features of Microsoft’s PowerPoint software. Before a packed congregation of relatives and friends, the senior executive paid tribute to his mother through a series of bullet points, graphic charts and bold-font mission statements. He…
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Apathy builds for start of A-League season
SYDNEY, Saturday: Interest in the soon to begin Hyundai A-League season is “lukewarm and cooling”. That was the optimistic message today from the new Football Federation Australia chairman, Chris Nikou. With a self-imposed media blackout and the imminent threat of administrative collapse, Nikou was confident 2019-20 could even exceed the extraordinarily high levels of apathy…
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Strip club less classy than ad promised
“They didn’t say anything about the tacky modern art prints or cheap carpet that’s obviously designed to hide vomit stains.”
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Unis axe philosophy departments for failing to find answers
“To have a 100% fail rate on your answer rate is unacceptable under our latest result-oriented guidelines”
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Shorter work hours mean more family time: Families demand longer work hours
A new report confirms the long held suspicion that employees who reduce their workload to spend more time with their spouse and children just end up annoying their families even more.