Visitors to Wollongong’s Moulin Bleu gentleman’s club have confessed to being disappointed by the ambience and décor of the venue, having been led to believe the place catered to a more sophisticated clientele. “The posters out the front conjured up images of tasteful European erotica and ribald burlesquery,” said patron Oliver Barron. “They didn’t say anything about the tacky modern art prints or cheap carpet that’s obviously designed to hide vomit stains.”

Despite claiming to possess “a touch of Parisian elegance”, the club’s main features appear to be dim lighting, aggressive security guards and naked blonde women with breast implants swinging on poles in exchange for money.

“I ordered a Campari and soda,” said punter Lionel Cuthbert, “and the barman told me they only serve VB and cask wine. I can’t believe I dressed up for this. I feel a bit bloody stupid in this tie and jacket, I can tell you.”

Although Moulin Bleu manager Vinnie Theroux boasts that he has spent over $150,000 on fibre optic lights for the entrance and “had the upholstery fully replaced with maroon leather”, both patrons and exotic dancers agree he has failed to bring a shred of glamour to the strip club.

“When I saw the job ad in the paper, I was picturing myself as Natalie Portman in Closer,” said stripper Tracy ‘Absinthe’ Atkinson. “In this dive, I feel more like Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls.”

Theroux is planning a complete renovation of the club, to give it more of an Ancient Roman feel. “It’ll be classy,” he said. “You know, with grapes and orgies and shit.”