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For Disability Day, TV show graciously gives disabled person spot they’d normally give racist



NSW legalises drugs – Police forced to come up with new excuse to strip search 12 yo’s



“Difference is we own up to our war crimes” says PM still charging the whistleblower



Andrew Bolt blasts people fleeing bushfires “We can’t let fire stop us living our lives”



Morrison fires back at China with spicy distracted boyfriend meme



Following The Crown’s lead, Sky News to pre-warn viewers that their stories are mostly fiction



Triple J announce hip new breakfast host Alan Jones



Jobseeker Mathias Cormann hit with $28 million robodebt bill



Jobseeker Mathias Cormann forced to wait on hold for 8 hours to get Jet refueled by centrelink



Struggling Jobseeker Mathias Cormann forced to choose between paying rent and keeping jet



War Memorial annouces exhibit on the horrors of Channel 7’s SAS



Minister for Women Tony Abbott spotted in Scotland giving free tampons to himself



Kerry Stokes offers to pay for new War Memorial exhibit celebrating war crimes



“Let young people buy houses with super, it’s not like they’ll get to retire anyway” says LNP



Trump demands recount of his children after Tiffany shows up to dinner



Federal government furious Dan Andrews didn’t prevent ADF war crimes



Mooching foreigner caught bludging off government handouts



Government attempts to boost Covid Safe usage by adding ‘stories’ feature



Pete Evans rumoured to appear on the next season of Masked Singer



Ten unveil last minute I’m A Celeb replacement Fraser Anning



Covid already seen everything interesting in Adelaide, now wondering what to do



Historians admit they missed ‘Harry Styles wears dress’ in the Communist Manifesto



Ten unveil new show where they drop Pete Evans in the jungle and just leave him there



Pete Evans unveils new cook book ‘Mein Kampfort food’



“We can only afford $300 for robodebt victims” says PM handing Foxtel $10mill



How this pandemic I created helps me sell more laptops, by Bill Gates



Sunrise rushes to book Pete Evans following his neo-nazi post



Morrison announces he has begun helping Biden with Covid by ordering his ticket to Hawaii



Former Apprentice host unveiled as the new Biggest Loser



Concerned Credlin warns viewers ‘gullible’ has been taken out of dictionary



Government that ‘can’t afford the ABC’ gives $10m to Foxtel for literally no reason



Trump takes election to ‘highest court’ in a special episode of Judge Judy



PM “too busy” ignoring sexual misconduct to find time for NAIDOC week



Trump retires to spend exactly the same amount of time playing golf



PM denies misogyny – “I never interrupted Tony when he was Minister for Women”



Guy with dementia in basement rigs 75m votes, reports Fox



Doctors amazed as local man miraculously regrows spine



Trump team reveal new spokesperson Paris Hilton after booking mixup



Comrade Biden seen driving a tank to Wall Street



Muslim Latina woman sorry to hear Trump voters feel a bit worried by Biden



Confused Trump team book rally in the Tina Arena



Republicans begin long search for the absolute worst person to nominate in 2024



Confused Giuliani holds press conference inside a Four Seasons condom



America passes history test



Thank fuck



Socialist revolutionary Biden begins the slaughter of billionaires



Florida Man retires to spend more time with daughter



Putin resigns after losing American election



Trump family rush to sell all the White House cutlery on Ebay



Donald Trump spotted fleeing across border to Mexico



Quick guide to whether Trump supporters want more or less votes counted in your area



World shocked as President who said he wouldn’t accept election result doesn’t accept election result



LGBT community send condolences to bank marketing teams after Sydney Mardi Gras cancelled



The NSW Blues declare they ‘hereby claim’ victory in State of Origin



Biden vows to unite the smoking ruins of America



Local man really not looking forward to seeing Bernie-supporting coworker tomorrow



World feeling pretty stupid for putting it’s hope in Texas



America loses election



With no clear winner, America agrees to just go without President



Biden vote surges after Trump shares stage with Lil Pump