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As parliament cracks down on sexual harassment, Barnaby resorts to fucking the planet instead



Scott Morrison announces Net Zero commitments to climate policy



Scott Morrison begins preparations to embarrass Australia in Glasgow



Perrottet announces commitment to having the most diverse cabinet of rich straight white men possible



Inspired by Morrison, local worker announces plans to not show up to meetings from now on



‘AstraZeneca abandons Australia after someone ran a scare campaign against it,’ say media



‘Why Aussies are misinformed on Climate Change?’ – Top 10 answers for Sky News’ question



Support for royals skyrockets after Prince Charles mocks Morrison



Sydney avoids eye-contact with Victoria and Canberra as it heads out of lockdown



Labor ‘heroically’ makes ‘Net 0 by 2050’ stance official, one week after the fossil fuel industry



‘Grace Tame is too divisive’ claims News Corp writer in weekly divisive column



PM who refuses to make a Federal ICAC says we need a way to hold Twitter users accountable



Perrottet scores new role as teenager on Heartbreak High



PM opposes federal ICAC, stating we need to “learn to live with” corrupt politicians



ICAC drops investigation into Gladys Berejiklian after finding out the timing doesn’t suit her



‘We can’t copy NSW’s ICAC model federally because then we can’t be corrupt’ says PM



John Barilaro resigns to spend more time with the fixated person’s unit



Gladys resigns to spend more time with paper shredder



Federal government confused why politician would resign over corruption



Gladys resigns after learning that if you lie to an ICAC they will launch an investigation into you



NSW to replace Premier with looped recording of ‘Please Know’



Credlin rips off Gladys’ mask to reveal it was Dan Andrews all along



‘We can’t waste money on covid support’ says government that spent $9m on the COVIDSafe app



Labor asks focus group if it’s true they’re too reliant on focus groups



Woman who bought dress for $3 from weird Instagram ad surprised to find it’s shit



Government announce Manus Island will hit “Freedom Day” once vaccination target of 150% is reached



Authorities issue health warning for children in the Sydney region after George Pell returns for a conference



Top 10 things we could be spending $66 billion on instead of breaking a contract with France



Musk and Grimes agree to share custody of ‘most annoying’ title



Tectonic plate offered role in Federal Cabinet after being a bit shifty



House destroyed in Melbourne earthquake opens bidding at $5 million



NSW to receive $700m disaster relief after Victoria hit by earthquake



PM asks Biden if the Submarines have cloaking devices to help hide from responsibility



Oak Milk file for bankruptcy after 1 day without tradies working



Angus Taylor becomes the least qualified Science Minister since Christian Porter



Scott Morrison scraps US sub deal in favor of cutting-edge coal powered submarines



Man who brought in RoboDebt complains about being punished for being given money he didn’t ask for



Scott Morrison to punish Porter by promoting him to Deputy PM



Piers Morgan celebrates return to News Corp by hacking a dead kid’s phone



Scott Morrison launches inquiry to investigate whether there is a way to save Porter’s career



‘Oops’: Morrison thought he was ordering ‘new clear’ submarines, made of glass



Christian Porter demands his name be redacted from his coffee cup



Prime Minister who said we can’t blindly trust Porter’s alleged victim blindly trusts $1m donation



Tasmania quietly enacts plan to tow state over to New Zealand



Keneally claims she is a diverse candidate: ‘I love Vietnamese food’



NSW government announce plan to replace press conferences with looped recording of ‘can I just say’



Doctors admit Ivermectin has some medical benefits after learning it will prevent anti-vaxxers reproducing



Pfizer told they’d have better luck reaching Greg Hunt if they tweeted him from the account ‘BBWCumPumper69’



Scott Morrison’s empathy consultant to be replaced with ‘basic human decency’ consultant



‘I didn’t break any rules’ says guy who makes the rules



Victorian Liberal party now so irrelevant they needed to make up some ‘Matthew’ guy for attention



News Corp admits climate change is real after hell freezes over



PM defends giving opening keynote at Women’s Summit, ‘Someone needs to explain to the ladies what the problem is’



News Corp mysteriously start to care about climate misinformation hours before Senate hearing on misinformation



Pre-School class told to draw their dream house they will never own



Emergency Chaplains hired to help calm Coalition MPs worried about the new Wiggles lineup



ABBA announce comeback album called ‘GrandMamma Mia’



Scott Morrison responds to Q&A by asking Grace Tame if she wants a milkshake



‘This is brilliant’: CEO of Ivermectin delighted idiots keep eating his medicine



Experts hoping Ivermectin will cure some of Joe Rogan’s more horse-shit ideas