Linda Reynolds offers sincere apology: “I am truly sorry everyone found out about this”

Nation starting to suspect there might be a few reasons why Liberal Party so resistant to an ICAC

“Meghan too entitled to be a literal princess” claims journalist

Christian Porter sues Andrew Bolt for defamation after Bolt defends him

New CABINETSafe App to allow you to track whether you’ve been in contact with an alleged rapist

Guy who stepped down over a bottle of wine feeling pretty stupid right now

Life Hack: How to not rape someone in one really fucking easy step

Michaelia Cash announced as over-acting Attorney-General

Christian Porter says he is as trustworthy as a Christian Priest

Journalist does finishing touches to a Christian Porter story they prepared last night for no reason…

Liberal party press conference forced to relocate after realising they’re within 500 metres of a school

PM meekly asks colleagues if they can maybe ease up on all the raping for a bit

Name five Home and Away characters and we will guess if you’re white and have bad taste

Harry and Meghan announce completion of their one millionth interview about how they just want their privacy

Police call off investigation after burglar “categorically denies” robbing store

ABC renames ‘Insiders’ to ‘Sky News After Dawn’

‘We must act now’ Scott Morrison furious after hearing climate change could affect sport

NBN user only just learning that Facebook has banned news

Banned on Facebook, Laurie Oakes forced to drop explosive political update on OnlyFans

Mass media panic as two people ‘doing well’ after getting a bit too much vaccine

Duke of Edinburgh asked whether he wishes to make any final racist remarks

Govt up daily Newstart rate by 0.00001 times amount they paid News Corp for spelling bee website

News Ban Over: Daily Telegraph returns to rightful place as nation’s top comedy site

Facebook user waiting excitedly for next Daft Punk Album

“We don’t manipulate the news” say 8 Murdoch mastheads in unison

News Corp really hoping no satire site reposts Rudd’s senate speech in full

Morrison explains he was only vaccinated in case of emergency holiday to Hawaii

Media Diversity Inquiry asks a bunch of rich old white men whether they have a diversity issue

Vaccine queue jumper to be sent straight to Manus Island

White House declares Ted Cruz a national disaster

News free Facebook user blissfully unaware of unfolding alien invasion

‘I don’t have an issue with how I treat women’ claims PM who hurt an old lady during photo op

Cancel Culture strikes again as snowflakes ruin Ted Cruz’s holiday

“We’re giving The Chaser a new show” says ABC who can’t dispute this cause they’re blocked

Mediocre couple not cheating on each other despite best efforts

PM announces investigation will be an ‘arms-length’ away from being independent

Facebook bans newsfeed after realising it has the word ‘news’ in it

Kevin Rudd calls for new senate inquiry into The Chaser’s news monopoly

Ted Cruz starting to regret hiring ScoMo’s empathy consultant

Local FB user experiences first enjoyable day in years

“Facebook never warned this would happen” says Govt months after being warned this would happen

Govt wishing there was some other way to fund journalism with big companies money

Aussie media knows it’s fucked after Frydenberg says he’ll sort this out

Nation’s broadsheets announce new retail price of $50.99

A complete list of the Liberal Party’s corruption over the last 7 years

Facebook finally crack down on racism by banning all Aussie media

Channel 9 journo forced to hit streets to inform public about great savings at Harvey Norman

Daily Mail reader struggling to cope without crucial updates on Miley Cyrus’s bra size

Anti-Vax Facebook mum glad to see her ‘real news’ sources are still up

Harry and Meghan maintain complete privacy by agreeing to interview on Studio 10

Facebook restores Daily Telegraph page after realising they’re not real news

Report: Aw fuck

Jenny Morrison appointed the new Minister For Knowing Things You’d Think Would Be Obvious

Morrison denies Liberal party is sexist – “Just ask the Minister for Women”

Man who spent $200,000 on empathy consultant unable to work out rape is wrong

Jenny pretty sure she’ll be having a chat tonight about whether victim blaming is okay or not

‘Covering up the rape of a woman is bad because it could upset her dad’ says PM

Robodebt victim starting to wish they had just run a billion dollar money laundering scheme

Republicans vote to acquit Osama bin Laden

Man insists support for lockdown is unrelated to forgetting to buy Valentine’s gift