‘The details of my case would make me look bad’ says guy who claims he won a defamation suit

Army called in to shoot the coronavirus in Sydney

PM slams Melbourne for leaving lockdown before Sydney, ‘It’s not a race’

Two-tier lockdown in Sydney to be based on ‘how much you look like you’d own an investment property’

Bolt takes break from defending Prince Andrew and George Pell to call for people to attack Simone Biles

‘Stop judging me by my actions,’ pleads Ben Roberts-Smith

Media demands Victoria get Covid again so they can keep downplaying NSW’s fuck-ups

Melbourne resident suffers another crushing day of freedom under Dictator Dan’s brutal reign of terror

Alan Jones says he hasn’t been this proud of Sydney since Cronulla 2005

Dan Andrews announces plan to build wall around Victoria and make Sydney pay for it

NSW begs other states to send their Pfizer to help vaccinate private schools

Barnaby Joyce launches bid to become High Court Judge after learning they do a lot of banging on desks

Scott Morrison applies for JobSeeker after going months without working

Prince Harry asks public to respect his privacy by not reading his new memoir

Matt Canavan to end subsidies for farmers after learning photosynthesis is renewable

Jeff Bezos declares going to Space the most taxing thing he’s ever done

“We just want closure”: Parents of missing Prime Minister beg witnesses to come forward

Jeff Bezos tragically survives space flight

Government successfully slow down Covid by giving it a job at AusPost

Sky News unveils shock new allegation Dan Andrews was born in Kenya

NSW government spends more energy stopping TikTok comedian than Covid

Following Tokyo’s lead, Parliament to install cardboard desks to discourage MPs from having sex on them

Divided nation pulls together in time of need to tell Katie Hopkins to fuck off

Andrew Bolt rushed to hospital after condemning white supremacy

Government struggling to construct quarantine just wishes it was employing some kind of builder for $350,000 a year

Quarantine workers finally find mask Hopkins will agree to wear

English football fans celebrate after hearing racism is coming home

‘I hate lockdowns’ claims woman who agreed to go on a show which literally locks people down

NSW tightens lockdown – residents limited to 20 Gucci handbags per day

NSW government furious after realising Dan Andrews called them slow last month

Gladys frantically refreshes TikTok for update on state’s numbers

Immigrant Katie Hopkins steals job from Australian racist

Nation puts out the Egg Boy signal after Seven books another nazi on their shows

‘Athletes shouldn’t be having sex in their beds, that’s what the prayer room is for’ says PM

Govt successfully slows down Delta outbreak by signing it up to the NBN

VIC defeats NSW in State of Lockdown, 5-3

Melbourne rebrands to ‘Harvey Norman’ in hopes of getting some government assistance

Govt suffers new vaccine setback after accidentally towing shipment to Nauru

Fixated persons unit arrest Scott Morrison after realising his vaccine plan is a joke

Morrison clarifies that Sydney’s Covid relief will only go to marginal electorates

Morrison explains Sydney needed JobKeeper more than Melbourne because Melbourne doesn’t vote for him

Turnbull decides to sort out vaccines by just buying the whole Pfizer company

“If Rudd was really doing my job, he’d be in Hawaii by now” says PM

Petition to get Scott Morrison to actually do his fucking job

Credlin rips off Gladys’ mask to reveal it was Dan Andrews all along

Rudd continues to throw shade at ScoMo with incident-free purchase of Big Mac Value Meal

Abbott fires off a telegram to request more vaccines from Pfizer

Gladys stresses NSW has entered a ‘critical phase’ of dodging responsibility

Liberal Party scrap Pfizer deal after learning it was Rudd

Scott Morrison seen playing handball with kids in latest photo op

Sky News slams Kevin Rudd for not securing vaccines earlier

“Stay home & get vaxed” says government failing to provide jobkeeper or vaccines

New ad campaign hopes to scare citizens into securing country’s vaccine supply

Govt admits 163 Joeys boys were accidentally given commuter car parks

Nation shocked as govt that faked budget surplus fakes vaccine surplus

Govt puts army in charge of vaccine rollout to ensure civilians get shot

Government investigating whether Covid-19 can be bought off with $5 million swimming pool

Dictator Dan strikes again as Sydney lockdown is extended by another week

Brad Hazzard announces plan for Colosseum in which under 25s will fight for Pfizer

“Lockdown over the top” says Sydney man as Indonesian hospitals run out of oxygen