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SCG announces Super Spreader ticket deal: “buy one, kill one family member”

As Sydney prepares to go into another lockdown, cricket fever has hit the city almost as fast as the fevers caused by Covid-19.

The one event that hasn’t been restricted to less than five people is the upcoming cricket game scheduled at the SCG which will be restricted to a maximum capacity of only 24,000 people.

But organisers say they are taking the risks very seriously and have come up with a promotion to help encourage those thinking about attending the game and the ‘unique opportunity’ this game presents.

“This year, there will be more than just excitement in the air,” said a spokesperson for the SCG Trust.

The spokesperson said that the ground was completely safe. “The ground is safe. Not sure the spectators are though.”

He said people wouldn’t want to miss out on what is likely to be a test that will be remembered for a very long time. “It will be an experience many could die for!”

“For this once-in-a-lifetime game we will be running a special ‘Super Spreader’ ticket deal. Buy 1 ticket and kill 1 family member absolutely free* (healthcare costs not included). That means that if you’re a family of four, with this amazing offer, you get a wonderful day out as a family and also four other family members die. So that means you won’t need to have that awkward chat to your kids regarding the death of their grandparents four different times. You can get it done all at once!”

“And that’s not all. There will be a heavy discount on all the food at the grounds, that way when you get diarrhea it could have just been the food. With half our normal capacity you will have a seat next to you where you can put your food while you stand and cheer for a 6, all while pretending you are sitting 6 feet apart from the person on the other side of the chair.”

The spokesperson said that spectators will get a free Covid-19 shaped beach ball that will be bounced around all the crowd, with strangers touching it and breathing on it. “The excitement when that happens is infectious.”

He said cricketer’s’ well-being was top priority. “If a cricketer is hurt, we will make sure medical stuff prioritise the cricketer’s needs instead of dealing with this pesky pandemic thing.”

“So come on down for the test match that will stop the city, for at least an extra 14 days.”



John Delmenico
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twitter: @thebigjohnnyd
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