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Police call off investigation after burglar “categorically denies” robbing store
"Case closed"
ABC renames ‘Insiders’ to ‘Sky News After Dawn’
‘We must act now’ Scott Morrison furious after hearing climate change could affect sport
NBN user only just learning that Facebook has banned news
Banned on Facebook, Laurie Oakes forced to drop explosive political update on OnlyFans
Mass media panic as two people ‘doing well’ after getting a bit too much vaccine
Duke of Edinburgh asked whether he wishes to make any final racist remarks
Govt up daily Newstart rate by 0.00001 times amount they paid News Corp for spelling bee website
Local News
Voice recognition software improves to 40% accuracy
Father introduces son to life-long hatred of fishing
Cash Converters owner impressed at how many TVs one regular customer owns
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World News
Cancel Culture strikes again as snowflakes ruin Ted Cruz’s holiday
Republicans vote to acquit Osama bin Laden
Trump drowns his sorrows with a strong glass of bleach
World excited to be bored by politics again
Trump regretting not banning evictions during covid
Trump to put AUSTRAC in charge of vote recount
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Politics
Scott Morrison Gets Vaccinated Again In Desperate Attempt To Shift Media Attention
Morrison Says He’s Uniquely Qualified To Speak At International Women’s Day Event Given His Wife Is A Woman
Scott Morrison First Victim Of ‘Job Dobber’ Hotline, After Tip-Off Reveals He’s Avoided Work For A Whole Year
Jobseeker Increase Means Recipients Can Now Afford To Rent An Apartment In Sydney In 1994
Craig Kelly Moves To Crossbench So He Can Finally Continue Saying Whatever He Wants
Search For Anthony Albanese Continues
Real Estate
Minister who forgot about buying house luckily still remembered to negatively gear it
Sultan of Brunei flaunts wealth by purchasing room in decrepit Sydney sharehouse
UN called in to resolve washing-up stalemate
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Comment Is Cheap
There's no such thing as an ethical guacamole dip for your election night party
Guardian Staff Writer
There is only one real choice in this election, Tony Abbott
Andrew Bolt
Hey Ho! This half-baked election really takes the cake!
Annabel Crabb!
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