In ‘devastating’ news, honorary knighthood recipient and world’s best lawyer winner Rudy Gulliani has reportedly tested positive for coronavirus. Many speculated that it may be ‘fake news’ due to the original source, known only as ‘soon-to-be former President’, having history of baseless claims. However Gulliani himself made a statement earlier today confirming that he does have coronavirus. While we still wait for a reliable source to confirm the diagnosis, here is what Gulliani had to say:
“I have been attacked by the Chinese bioweapon that we all stopped talking about the day after the election. It is clear to see that I was targeted by the bio weapon in order to put that fraud Joe Biden into the presidency, but it will not work. I will not let him continue to rig this election by using freedom of choice. But don’t worry, I will be fine. Remember this virus is as real as the votes for Joe Biden.”
“I have an expert witness here has proof that I was targeted to help the Biden campaign. This man here says he overheard Coronavirus talk to Hunter Biden and the Illuminati about potentially attacking me to help them rig the election by using ballots voted on by the citizens of America. Using Clinton foundation funding the virus teamed up with Benghazi and Pizzagate to try and stop me. If that isn’t evidence enough, well then Q suggested I plea the Chubacca defense. Now if you will excuse me I have been told to check in to St. McDonald hospital, which is amazing as I really want a Quarter Pounder right now.”
Doctors have spoken out today to discuss the condition of Gulliani saying that, “We regret to inform you that with factors like his age and his health, Gulliani is at a serious risk of having a complete recovery. While we may have the spread temporarily contained, our thoughts and prayers go out to anyone who will be afflicted with Gulliani when the next wave begins in a few weeks.”
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