Guy who offloaded the ‘Prime Minister for Women’ job to another person, Scott Morrison has responded to criticism regarding his booking of himself as the opening keynote speaker at the Women’s Safety Summit earlier today.

The PM denied that he shouldn’t have been the person to open the Women’s Summit telling reporters that, ‘Someone needs to explain to the ladies what the problem is and I am just the man to do so’.

“Women have a lot of lived experience when it comes to these issues,” said the PM unable to see the irony in opening his speech with that line, “but I am here today to explain them so you understand what that experience is. See as a father and owner of young females, I know all about how you lot think.”

“Now this might be hard for you to understand but some men don’t respect women, and some women don’t feel safe from time to time. See this country is facing a problem and we need to solve it. Your job over the next two days is to figure out what you ladies can do to drop the sexual assault number to zero. I spoke with former Minister for Women Tony Abbott and he reckons you might be able to pull it off, as long as doing work yourself without us around isn’t too tricky for you.”

“Some people try and hide sexual assault. This must stop. You don’t need to hide it. You just ignore it. That’s been my approach.”

“I have done a lot to address all the PR issues relating to sexual assault in my workplace. Now it’s your turn to figure out the rest of the issue. See if you can figure it out by the time Barnaby gets here to give the closing speech.”